Let me tell you something about sleep. We used to be best friends in middle school. I know, right? So embarrassing. I don’t even…whatever. So then, in high school, I started going out with AP Bio, and sleep was like, weirdly jealous of him. When I would blow sleep off to do AP Bio labs, she’d be like “Why didn’t you concede to me?” and I’d be like “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then I passed AP Bio, and for second semester senior year, I wanted to rage. And I was like… “Sleep, I can’t invite you to rage because I think you’re boring.” I mean, I couldn’t have boredom when I was tryna rage! There were going to be pong games to win and Wagon Wheel singalongs to attend! I mean, right?! She was BORING! So then, sleep’s mom called alcohol’s mom and started yelling at her; it was SO retarded, so sleep dropped out of my life completely, and when she tried to come back during fall semester of college, all her reliability of Circadian rhythm was gone and she was totally weird, so now I’m basically on caffeine.